Stress has many wonderful attributes. It reminds us that we care; it connects us directly with the most challenging and important aspects of our lives. While sustained stress over time can take a toll, stress by itself can bring unexpected benefits, too, in the form of personal growth. Over the past 30 years as a School Psychologist, I have found that individuals who adopt a “stress-is-enhancing” mindset in their lives show greater work performance and fewer negative health symptoms than those who adopt a “stress-is-debilitating” mindset. If you feel you lean more toward the “debilitating” mindset, below are a few ways you can tip the scale!
See It The first step to transforming your response to stress is to “see” your stress. Rather than denying it, or dwelling upon it, try to name or label the stress you are facing. For example, you might simply say to yourself “I’m stressed about my son failing his Algebra test.” or “I’m stressed about my upcoming meeting.” or “I’m stressed about my husband’s recent medical diagnosis.”
Neuroscience research by Matt Lieberman shows how just acknowledging your stress can move reactivity in your brain from the automatic and reactive centers to the more conscious and deliberate ones (Lieberman, et. al, Psychological Science, vol. 18, issue 5). In one study, participants in a brain scan were shown negative emotional images. When asked to label the emotion the images invoked, neural activity moved from the amygdala region (the seat of emotion) to the prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain in which we do our conscious and deliberate thinking. In other words, purposefully acknowledging stress lets you pause your visceral reaction, allowing you to choose a more enhancing response.
Another reason to acknowledge your stress is that avoiding it is counterproductive. Research has shown that individuals who view stress as debilitating tend to either over or under react to stress whereas those with a “stress is enhancing” mindset have a more moderate cortisol response to stress and are more willing to seek and be open to feedback during stressful situations, which can help them learn and grow (Crum, A.J., et. al, National Library of Medicine, 104(4):716-33).
Mindfulness and other centering practices can help you acknowledge and transform how you respond to stress. Each person reacts differently. Do you have a racing heart? Clenched muscles? Or are you in the minority who feel a sudden urge to fall asleep? What are your psychological reactions? To judge? Blame others (or yourself)? How about your behavioral reactions: Do you check out of the conversation all together? Rush to the refrigerator? Noticing these reactions releases us from their grip and helps shift our focus to pursuing more productive responses.
Own It The key to “owning” your stress is to recognize that we tend to stress more intensely about things that matter to us. Stress shows us that we care; that the stakes matter. Owning this realization unleashes positive motivation because we know that things that are important shouldn’t always come easy. A metaphor I came across to describe this state is “It’s just a cold, dark night on the side of Everest” If you were climbing Everest, you could imagine that there might be some cold, dark nights on your journey up. But what did you expect, that climbing Everest would be a walk in the park? Do you really expect that raising a child, running a business, living a life of impact would be easy? Owning your stress won’t necessarily make those cold, dark nights go away but they will likely be a bit more tolerable as you discover a sense of motivation and meaning. Think about the times in your life when you experienced a substantial amount of personal or professional growth, or times when you felt like you performed at your highest level. What was it that motivated and fueled you to grow, learn, and improve during these times? I’m willing to bet that those times invariably involved some stress or struggle.
Use It Contrary to what you might think, the body’s stress response was not designed to kill us. In fact, the evolutionary goal of the stress response was to help boost the body and mind into enhanced functioning, to help us grow and meet the demands we face. When the body encounters stress, it pumps hormones such as adrenaline and dopamine which fuel the brain and body with blood and oxygen, a response which propels the individual into a state of increased energy, heightened alertness, and narrowed focus. Although the stress response can sometimes be detrimental, in many cases, stress hormones actually induce growth and release chemicals into the body that rebuild cells, synthesize proteins and enhance immunity, leaving the body even stronger and healthier than it was before. Researchers call this effect physiological thriving, and any athlete knows its rewards.
The issue, then, is not in the stress response itself but in how we channel or employ this response. Simply reframing your response to stress as something that is beneficial can be helpful. Research has shown that students asked to reframe pre-test anxiety as beneficial actually perform better on the exams. Similarly, reframing anxiety as excitement can improve performance on tasks such as negotiating and giving an important speech. Be sure to look at the Tuesday Encounter Parent Connect to see how your child is working on reframing stressful situations in their 10:10 class!
Stepping back from the conversations I have with students, staff and families, I can say we generally fail to frame stress as potentially enhancing and often miss opportunities to learn from and grow from stressful moments. That does not mean that we should view all stressors as a positive thing; but I do challenge you to embrace your stress response as a powerful tool for helping you overcome the inevitable challenges in life.
References
Crum, A.J., Salovey, P., Achor, S. (2013). Rethinking stress: the role of mindsets in determining the stress response. National Library of Medicine, 104(4):716-33).
Lieberman, M.D., Eisenberger, N.I, and Way, B.M., https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2007.019
https://goodthinkinc.com/just-a-cold-dark-night-on-the-side-of-everest/